Stressful Days of Late

yes, it's been some days again.  the plan for consistency is easier than the consistency itself, i'm sad to say.  there is an abundance of things going on, but the main part is how much has entered into my life in the past week, and how little energy there is that remains at the conclusion of the day.  but that's no big deal.  i'm not going to ever have much more energy, as time passes, and i'll surely have less than this, so best to use it while i've got even this much.

so, this week.  the contours of my house have changed with the inclusion of Rachel and Ava, her daughter's Rottweiler.  it is a getting used to thing, but only slightly.  truth is, it is a welcome departure from the emptiness that i usually am living in while at home, and it is a comfort to come home to find someone here.  it will be a missed thing when she has her own home again and leaves, but i am trying my best to take things one day at a time, so as not to get too used to it, while allowing myself to be thankful and to enjoy it to the extent that such restraint will allow.  that's quite a balancing act, wouldn't you say?  but it is the experience of some years living that makes me walk this line.  it's cool.  i love having her here.  it's not the apartment time; not the forced dance of avoiding and being careful.  nothing to lose brings about a level of honesty that makes every day refreshing in its own way.  and i'm grateful to Jehovah for the respite from my own company.

also this week, i've been transporting Joshua, Lonnie's son, to PCS since his accident in his father's car.  there is a reason i don't deal very much with young people.  he is a good young man, don't get me wrong.  mannerable, thoughtful, kind and good-natured.  but he is assuming, as most of his generation have grown to be, and he misses a lot.  we all do that, though.  he is also in the process of running his job with PCS into the ground, and i can't stop him, because i don't know how to undo 23 years of programmed personality and re-program it in less than a week.  he overthinks the simplest of things, over-speaks when his silence would give him most of the answers he requires.  he could be an asset to this company for as long as they exist, if he would just relax, relax, RELAX.  but he can't, because he has to be perfect, because he has to be his father, who hasn't made a great many missteps in this life but who has paid for his meticulous nature with stress, disappointment, disillusionment and bitterness.  and 23 is too young to mimic those conclusions to a life lived.

regardless, i'm moving along.  i am looking forward to a 3 day weekend.  i'm hoping to spend time with Rachel.  i've heard from Syd but have not seen her or my grandson in over 3 weeks.  i'm practicing acceptance on that.  i'm tired an awful lot, and i'm forcing myself to do the simple things so this isn't just a life of work/eat/sleep/repeat.  that would suck in an incredible way.

anyway, time for work.  thank you, Father, for a wonderful waking day.