3 Days Hence...

honestly, i didn't mean to take so long to re-enter information here.  it has been an awful week as far as non-consistency, bad information and lack of accurate details.  but i am in the process of decompressing now, and need to stay on track as best as i can.  no point waiting for tomorrow, i can catch up today, right?

so, the week from hell.  and that's not even accurate.  things are happening that i don't like that i can do nothing about, like Da Boss leaving for Tennessee because of the GM plant here shutting down.  that's going to make me extremely sad, and it's going to change the face of this job i have, but i can do nothing about it, so i have to accept it. 
things are happening that i have to make good choices concerning, like these routes that i've been driving all week.  no two days was i on the same route, and my main complaint has been that i need consistency.  i like some order in my day to day routine.  not complete order; an artist has to have the random in order to create new things.  but the structure acting as an anchor, allowing me to see how far i can go, knowing i can always get back home...that is vitally important to me.  switching all week long left me feeling untethered, as if i was just floating away.  it's a horrible feeling.  i really can't wait to get just one route, regardless of what route it is, so i can learn it, get good at it, make it mine and set my schedule around it's available time. i can do very little about corporate making it clear to local management that they are not doing their jobs properly.  there is a feeling of dread that it inspires, as i've seen one operation manager fired/evicted.  i wonder if any of my co-workers feel the same way.
and there are things happening that i can act upon.  i can pray and meditate.  i can clean my space and exercise.  i can write and sing and try to lose the weight i've got to lose to get my health back in a better place.  i can reach out to more people, i can forgive those who have hurt me, i can stay true to what i need to get done. 

there's always something that has to be decided on.  right now, i'm glad that i am into saturday.  i've rested, i have worked on some poetry and some music, i've seen my brother and tried to help him out a bit.  i have had Rachel's company for the past several hours and that enhances my happiness.  i could complain about not seeing my daughter or my grandson, but i will before much longer.  i am blessed, and i will not forget the blessings i am receiving.  i thank God for friends who love me even when i am lost in my own head and can't see that love clearly.  i thank God for allowing a fool like me to learn a thing or two, it definitely makes me feel better about things in general.  okay, i'm done for now.