Drama In The Way

I'm finding that's more the issue that i'm going through than anything else, to be honest.  it's been five days since i've written here.  five days, when my last post was about lack of discipline in journaling, in my 10th step archiving, and the need to get my shit together.  it's an oft-revisited theme, especially when i'm not doing those things.  and why?

because at work things are crazy?  that's not unusual.  because i'm depressed?  no more so than any other time, and actually less than has been the case recently.  because i don't have time?  that's bullshit.  this weekend i wrote some poetry, will have worked on my new book, wrote two songs, got laundry done, saw my parents and Rachel and will have gotten to a meeting today.  so, what the fuck is wrong with me?

my eating is not horrible, but it's not disciplined.  the weight i need to lose is not being lost.  that's on me.  i am not lazy, but i'm BEING lazy, staying unfocused.  and that's not going to cut it this time. 

it's sunday now.  i'm about to get clothes from the dryer, get them put away.  i'm going to take a shower and get into some clean clothes, get to the meeting.  got a bassline to work on for a song, got to get my mind centered for if God blesses me to awaken tomorrow to go to work.  i don't have to keep living in this quasi-wakened state any longer than i choose to, and i know that.  yes, i'm slightly angry with myself, but i'm also finding some humor in the way i've just let things slip away.  but right now, i'm out of the bed, i've prayed, meditated, done some music, taken my pills, and i feel pretty good.  i could go for another cup of coffee, but i'll live for the moment.  and who knows what later will bring, but i commit now to writing another entry in this Journey, and i'm not going to break that commitment, if i can in any way help that.

thank you, Jehovah, for discernment, and please help me act on what you have shown me.