So.

change begets change.  that is an immutable truth.  which, itself, is ironic. even so, it is the truth.  things change, and as they change they create the environment for further change.  resistance to change is pointless, because even the resistance is a part of the change to come.  it's necessary, it is of top universal priority.  if nothing changes, nothing changes.  and there are so many components of that, you could injure your brain stem just trying to unravel them.  trust me on that one, I know firsthand.

however, the good thing is, change can be nothing more complicated than a bus to where you're going.  if you can dig it, if you can accept it, change can be a lovely ride, next to an interesting person, chatting at deeper levels until it seems the ride is done before it starts.  and that's the kind of change i'm trying to get down with right now.  just by writing this entry, i'm trying to open up to change.  and it's not always easy, but it's always optional.

today was a reflective kind of day.  i'm not sure if I noted how my check wasn't deposited yesterday.  I wasn't distraught and I wasn't undone, but I was angry.  I think anyone would be, to a degree, when you do the things necessary to ensure you get your money in your account and it doesn't happen.  took me back, it did.  but it didn't transport me back to that Tim.  what I did was, I finished my work, organized our work folder, got our paperwork faxed to HQ, visited my parents and washed a load of clothes.  I slept as well as I could last night and today I took everything as easy as it was presented to me.  did I try to call Corporate again? sure.  I figured no one would be there but, being a Chicago office and not a Mudville, Ohio one, I figured no harm in trying.  then I went to the stores, got things I need for my company tomorrow, cleaned my kitchen and bathroom, made a HUGE chicken salad, a roasted red-skinned loaded baked potato salad (knocked it the fuck out the park this time), made my dinner of meat loaf and mashed potatoes, to get some meat cooked that needed to be cooked.  I have all my prep done for the main dish tomorrow and I even have dessert finished already (hope it worked out, it is my current trepidation) I talked to Deja, to Syd, to my mom, to Lonnie.  I talked to the Boss, the One who Shant Be named, to Delia and I sent out some kites to some other friends through text.  and i'm about to put this meat in the fridge, cover dessert and go chill. got a meeting tomorrow, got a lot of runs on Monday.  Oh, and to finish a broken story, my check arrived in the mail today.  so apparently they just need to get me updated in their system.  so, I have been paid, I got what I needed, and the only real sacrifice I made was not going to the movie i'm going to see because I wasn't sure I would get my money today or sometime in the week to come.  and i'm not sorry erring in favor of caution.  

so that's my today.  and I feel good, winding it all down now.  i'm going to get some water and shut it all down, and in the morning i'm going to get started with my prayer, the only way to start a recovering day.  thank you, Jehovah, for your patience with me and nurturing of my spirit.