Upon Returning to Work...

it is funny and it is sad, and a thing can be both things at the same time. 

i feel a lot better, as far as the throat and the surface shit.  i still feel the presence of something foreign in my body, the darts they inserted, i'd imagine. and i am not 100% by any stretch.  fatigue, weariness comes upon me. i am pushing myself to get the day done.  but that's not the most unusual thing; i could say my life before the procedure seems to have been a preparation for my life after.

but to return to work...they will always find a way to stress the very foundation of one's being.

i had a good morning yesterday.  showered and shaved, ate and read and took my meds.  prayed, of course.  got to work early enough, took a good walk, shorter than before but that's to be expected.  i already knew, from a slight heads-up, that things were going to be fucked up, but i had no idea just how fucked up they'd be. 

they changed my route, while i was out, while i was convalescing.  they merged it with someone else's and i only got that slight head's-up the night before, Sunday night, as i lay in bed trying to get to sleep for the day. 

it was a long, drawn out, incompetently done day, in which i did not seem as if i was even a driver, but some bumbling idiot trying to figure out how to do what i am paid to do.  it was upsetting and stressful, to myself and, i'm sure, to my clients as well.  i would love to speak on the unusualness of this kind of thing, but truth be told, it's par for the course these days. 

i got through the day.  today will be better.  some people aren't on the route any longer.  others i now have a better idea of where they are and how to get to them.  i will get to work early enough to detail what i'm doing and where i'm going today, early enough to get my clients and be on time and maybe a bit early if possible.

but i will not forget this. 

and i will get active again in my search for somewhere else to be.

that's the only way to deal with this ongoing nonsense.  and it really didn't have to be this way.

but...

thank you, Jehovah.  i am grateful to have employment to return to, and i am grateful for the strength i have to do even the reduced amount i am capable of.