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you take a look, you realize you're off track...again.  you wonder how you got there, but it doesn't matter.  it's happened so much over the years that it's just a thing that keeps happening.  like having car problems, or finding new diseases you'll be saddled with until you die.  but eventually, you try to get back to the good place, because what the hell else is there to do?

everything i've been saying lately is true, but it sums up nothing.  i am a monster, but i am not.  i am depressed, but who gives a fuck?  i am going through shit at work, but that's nothing new.  my parents are worrying to me but they're old now, and so am i.  and i'm not as old as i sometimes feel, but that's because i'm not doing anything to be more active, to ACTIVE-ate myself.  so i feel miserable most of the time.  i'm currently fighting down a gout flare that came in on me.  i'm in bed, having cleaned my bathroom and my kitchen, for the most part.  in the morning, i have to force my good morning at a reasonable time, get to the laundromat and wash and dry a load of clothes.  i'm going to see if my daughter is up and i'm going to pick her up and bring her here and make her breakfast and get her youthful natural knowledge base to help me finish formatting my book.   i'm going to try to get to my meeting, check on my parents, get some stuff for my work lunch on monday and get it in gear so i can be ready to roll come Monday the 16th.  I'm also going to wish my counselor a very sincere Happy Birthday here as her birthday is tomorrow, and i'm going to pray that she is surrounded by love and peace in this insane world we're living in right now.  i'm going to do it now because i won't see her again until Wednesday, God willing and the creek don't rise since it's full of shit for real now and i've no paddle at all.  if only she ever read my Journey.  sigh...
s   
anyway, i don't know when i'm going to break out of this.  psychotic weather, should be called Whether, for real.  psychotic mood swings.  but it's all me, none of it is new.  it's just grist for the mill, and grain for the meal.  and i'm going to keep moving until i can't, but today is not the day that i couldn't. 

if the sun rises tomorrow, i'll deal with it then.  if it doesn't, thank you, Jehovah, for the good years and the good learning.  i'm going to shut this down for now, got to get up early, try to find my paddle.  God wills...