Certain Angels

so, here we are again.  

i didn't think, at 50+ years, that i would be able to say, over and over, i've encountered events that have shaped the world i'm occupying at this time, but it can no longer be denied.  being born in '68, i missed the main part of the Civil Rights movement and the assassinations of 2 Kennedy brothers, Malcolm and Dr King.  (technically, Bobby's assassination happened when I was just under 2 months old, so i guess the news report is bouncing around somewhere in my senility cloud).  so what have i seen?  what could compare to such tragic events?

i've seen the oil skirmishes in the Desert Shield/Storm conflicts, i've seen the 'terroristic' acts committed on this soil on Sept 11, 2001.  I've seen gas prices skyrocket (new term, SATELLITING: when something goes up like skyrocketing but never comes back down).  I've seen the first black president elected and mediatively lynched for 8 consecutive years, I've seen the first reality television personality elected president in response to the prior president, despite being a miscogynistic, racist, idiotic, polarizing abuser of everything except his own whims.  and now, i've seen a pandemic created on the verge of an oncoming election.  i don't know what else there is to say.

i am not scared.  i've not given in to hoarding food, bathroom essentials or personal space just yet.  i am nervous, because the world around me is terrified all the time.  rational people are being forced to do irrational things just to keep up with their lives, and 'just in case' this goes on longer than the government is saying, and of course it will.  some people are getting very, very rich from this.  others will be put out of business.  some will die from the peripherals.  others will die through their own negligence.  who stands to profit the most?  i'm waiting for the narrative to clarify itself, because only then will i know what was really going on.

i think about that trash can up there.  i remember when it was put into the bathroom.  how, in the right light, at the right angle, it looks like a Doctor Who monster.  and i think about how, at the right angle, in the right light, this whole things appears to be a world ending prospect.  we are a people easily led to irrational decisions now.  thinking is not something we choose to do.  it's why i'm writing this here instead of in a personal, hand held journal; i'm as inundated by the electronic and the voyeuristic nature of internet life as many others are.  what is all this really for?

i don't know.

i pray. i'm sober.  i'm not afraid.  am I stupid for that?

i don't believe so.  

i've been blessed to be clean through all the rest of the aforementioned events, from the oil wars to the idiot in the white house now.  God's grace and thanks be to Jehovah.  my friends are scared.  i don't know how my children are just yet.  i hate that my grandson was born into this.  but children are born into the insanity of their guardians, no matter what.

gonna get my shit going, got to get to work now.  thank you, Father, for a life to live and discernment in the critical times...