i hate hurt for people that i love. i don't know if that's natural or not, anymore. this world is a very, very stupid place. and stupidity seems to be sub-dividing and terra-forming to make the inhabited earth a place for it to completely thrive. but you mean to tell me you don't see the dumbing and dumbing of society?
it's hard to get through a day without being angry now. as a driver, you encounter the absolute dumbing down of most people you encounter. and i know, this sounds like what it is; an old man rant about a new generation. thing is, what i learned when i was young, i learned from the previous generations. so who the fuck is teaching these idiots what they THINK they know?
digression. my son lost his uncle this week. his blood uncle; his blood father's twin brother. it is a hurting thing for him, and i commiserate with him and empathize, as this seems to be very much a season of loss. and it seems to be without ending. perhaps that is the real truth of getting older. as i watched television today, there was an ad giving people the web address of where they can go to read the obituaries now that the Vindicator is shutting down. not job-seekers, not folks looking for a home...not those who want to know what to do on the weekend. i guess the internet already had all those covered. but where to see who died...isn't that almost a singularly old people thing? again, digression. i can't offer my son any true comfort, because there isn't any. you have to keep breathing, despite how the breath seems to hitch in your chest and the exhalation is hard as fuck. you have to keep moving, though you feel as if you've been breathing nerve gas for days and it's finally catching up to you. and you have to be THERE, because it's how things are done once you're grown...you can't skip the gathering, can't skip the funeral, can't skip any of it.
and of course, the worst part is knowing that, one day soon enough, it will be you.
so i just check on him, make sure he's okay. i stay out of the way, because that's the right distance, and i text because if he doesn't want to talk he doesn't have to, but he'll know i'm thinking of him.
i saw Syd and my grandson today, took her to the store. glad she's able to get some things.
my mom is in great pain and they won't do anything about it except give her pain meds that, while addictive, won't take her pain away. for the next two weeks, that's all they will do for her. i have to start thinking about options for her.
my dad is still pretty far removed from it all, though not as far as he would like us to believe. if you are blind and dumb, you might believe his act. even if it's just willfully blind and dumb.
okay, this ain't a good write. but it's how i'm feeling right now. i'm going to say thank you to Jehovah, for looking after me, and i'm going to finish up this night.
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