Dwindling...

when change comes, there is nothing really to do about it except change.  the only other option is to resist, and that is essentially choosing to be run down rather than get out of the intersection.  at the moment, i'm standing in the intersection. 

it's been another 5 days.  i don't know what is changing in me.  i don't know why i have these delays between writing.  my time off work is dwindling.  there are things that i need to get done, but nothing that is burning a hole in my brain.  i guess there's some comfort in that. 

i haven't written apparently since just before the so-called Christmas holiday.  what have i done since then?  well... let's see.

i hung out with Rachel on Wednesday, that was nice.  i took food to my parents on Wednesday as well, which was also nice.  meeting, the usual stuff. made a wonderful loaded baked potato soup.  but that was Thursday, i think.  anyway, the meeting was good, crowded, and the people appreciated the pizza, and we did our business and the year of the 12 & 12 @ 12 is officially done.  Thursday, i went to my parent's house, just to take ham.  mostly i stayed in bed.  it was that kind of day.  was waiting to see if the 2nd in command was going to call for a lunch rendezvous as per an earlier conversation, but no such thing occurred, and i survived without it.  Friday, found a mouse drowning in a pot of water in my kitchen sink, woke me right the fuck up.  dumped him and the water outside.  found him later that day frozen and dead on the front walk.  went to counseling.  went to help Lonnie get some things from his parent's house.  got some cast iron skillets from their house that i have to cure, score.  went to my parent's house, fixed breakfast for them.  brings me up to today. 

yesterday and today i've been muddling through a gout flare, but i am not completely inundated by it.  i've just about finished my song 'Broken Hearts Will Bleed', and i only have to lay the vocals tomorrow.  washed some clothes, dried them and put them away...no that was yesterday.  talked to SH (new sponsee) about owning how she feels and having a choice who she deals with or does not deal with.  talked to Rachel, took her to get some food, and just finished writing and filling in the past five days.  so i'm going to take some meds, shut it down and get ready for tomorrow. 

i'm so grateful for this Journey, for the blessing of life and sobriety, and for the God that has allowed me to continue on despite my best attempts.