Oh Lord...

it's been awhile, and i'm sorry for that.  i can't say why exactly i've slacked so much.  i can only say it's time for me to get my shit moving again.  i'm tired of saying that.

let's start from now, and try for a brief overview of the last week.  since the last time i wrote seems to be the wednesday past, i know i went to my meeting, i know we didn't have our homegroup meeting, and i know that i have been crashing pretty seriously.  by which i mean, sleeping when i'm not doing anything, and wanting to sleep when i am doing stuff.  i'm still grieving, so i would assume some slack and some breathing room.

over the weekend, i had a visit with Rachel, i stayed pretty much to myself on Sunday, and i worked on getting ready for the new work week.  i did go to my parent's house on Sunday to wash a load of clothes, and i hung out while getting that done, but i didn't do much else, to be honest.

over the past 2 days, i've worked, i've ate, i've exercised some, i've saw my parents, had a visit with my grandson and daughter scheduled and then re-scheduled. 

i've made soup and put it in the freezer.  i've gone to the store on a couple different occasions.  i've lunched with Lonnie.  i've thought quite a bit about the old days in CA, in recovery period, about my sponsor.  i haven't written, haven't worked on any music, haven't lifted a creative finger. 

and i haven't journaled.

the eating has been okay, and i haven't been in any real significant slump.  just have been sort of drifting.  and that's not a bad thing, necessarily.  i'm in denial about nothing.  i'm glad to have Rachel in proximity again.  i'm happy that my parents are doing okay.  i've got my primary bills paid.  i'm working good.  looking at some other job prospects as well. 

i am just...trying to get to whatever comes next.  and i don't know what that is just now, so i am not motivated to do any particular thing.

i guess...in the end, that's the truth of it. 

i am very grateful, however, and i will do my best to become consistent again.  and i thank my Father, Jehovah, for balance.  so needed.