a time of madmen, a time of fear, a pondering of what's gone and what's near, dreams of paradise blown up in a wink, important to know; more important to think...
don't want to get too far behind, do we?
it's tuesday night. i'm in my bed, but not for much longer. prep time. time to chop and dice and slice and package and put away. time to strip the plastique from the bird and dry brine and re-wrap and put it back in cold storage, for a dynamic braising/roast on Wednesday. time to PREPARE, to get the small stuff done, the ingredients in order, so the cooking will be relatively easy.
time.
it passes, you know.
yesterday i took a tumble. not the worst, thank Jehovah. but bad enough last night. taking bags of food from the car, and knowing there was no 'one-tripping' it, no, those days may be done. but the rain had made my slightly inclined yard muddy. and on my way back to the car after my first trip, the lawn gave way beneath my food, i felt my knee twisting in the sudden, unexpected movement, and down on my ass i went. embarrassment more than anything. but pain, to be sure. great, gulping wincing pain in my knee, tender to the touch. i got the car unloaded, but when you're hurt, ten feet seem like seven miles. and you walk it, back and forth, because there's no one else. was talking to Lonnie when the fall happened, sent a kite out to Rachel, but didn't expect a rescue.
put some things in stark relief, in clear perspective. not bad, just real. if i take the big tumble, i'm on my own. So was Johnnie when he knew the time had come.
tomorrow would have been his 70th birthday.
December would mark 30 years since i first met him.
November 27th is my 30 year sober anniversary.
somehow, the sadness finally has an appropriate home, so i don't feel so fucking depressed. just sad.
work was okay today, but painful as hell. a thing to learn; when you hurt your knee to the extent that the patella may be traumatized, you may walk with some dexterity, but making your lower leg shift is a function that starts with the knee. no knee, no easy flex. so i had to literally lift my right leg to move it from the gas to the brake and back again, often. a pain in the ass.
i put aspercreme on it, took tylenol, wrapped the lower leg in Ace bandages. i rested it, i elevated it. i got through the afternoon runs too. i finished the day.
now i have 3 days off. five total before i return to work for 2 days, then off wednesday.
Nancy has a cross for me. it contains a small amount of Johnnie's ashes. i can say that i have never worn a cross in my life. i have never been inclined to wear a cross. being raised in Jehovah's Witnesses strips much of that away from you.
but like i voted in 2008 and 2012 (2016 too, though i'm done now) i will accept this gift from my friend. we are grieving together. she much more so than i, but perhaps not.
time to heat a cup of coffee and get ready to get down.
thank you, Father, for getting me through the day.
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