why is it taking a week before I update here? couldn't tell you, honestly. I only know that I started an entry on Tuesday, and now it's Saturday. but I know also that i'm going to update at this point, get some thoughts out and get on with a day that I've designated as a Tim-day, because there's nothing wrong with that at all.
To begin, my days off last week weren't especially eventful. I did a bunch of running, and I didn't get my cleaning done until Wednesday and Thursday. I prefer Saturday for my cleaning day, but last weekend was the squirrel event, so I didn't really feel the urge to stay in the house and hope that the squirrel would deal with itself. however, a prayer later and the squirrel has not been seen, but there is still the work that has to be done in keeping squirrels out of the house. so, we're going to have to get on with that soon. but I digress. I spent quite a bit of time with my parents over the past week. it's never something I mind doing, but at times it gets hard, and it gets hard for different reasons with each parent. with my mom, it's seeing how compromised she is now. she doesn't hear well, and she always seems on the verge of massive confusion. she's having a hard time being in the house since the 'infestation' was dealt with, and I knew she would. but there's a part of it, I believe, that has to do simply with the ongoing war with my father, because i'm sure there's a part of his own thing is part of their war on his end as well. what's hard to deal with as far as my father goes is how there is very little honesty in his dealings with us anymore. my father goes to the Austintown emergency room and calls it an Urgent Care, while there's now an urgent care right up the street from him that he won't go to because they're not set up as an emergency room. my dad knows that when he goes to the Austintown ER, um...'Urgent Care', he may be out there after dark, at which point he can't drive. then he wants someone to come pick him up, and to make arrangements for his car to be brought home. he refuses to read the memo from me that I am not a valet, his or anyone else's. and, when he calls me and says he may need a ride, I tell him to call me when he knows for sure, and he never bothers to call and say he DOESN'T need a ride. so I put things on hold, waiting to see if i'm going to have to pick him up and take him home. and I can wait forever by his concern because he doesn't feel it necessary to call back. it's cool though, as I have taken to just calling my mom and asking her to let me know if/when he comes in. then I can get on with the things i'm doing.
I have friends in distressing situations, and there's nothing I can do about them. Lonnie's daughter is extremely sick and he is not doing well with it. SH, from the meetings, is not attending and is in the grips of her own depression. an old friend from way back that I reunited with through doing my job has not been in touch at all, and I am afraid of why she is still incognito after coming back to her home town months and months ago. I pray for them, for so many others as well, but there's nothing I can do. there's nothing physically I can do to alter the trajectory of these events. and that makes me sad, but I know that going in.
I am personally compromised. I am still having troubles getting out what i'm consuming. I am trying to catch up financially, but that's hard as hell and I keep falling behind in things. some of it is purely my fault, I forget to make payments. others, I have notes with passwords for sites where I make my payments and from month to month the passwords don't work, and I get frustrated because my mind is not doing what I need it to in the way I need it to all the time anyway, and the humbugs just make me feel stupider sometimes. I have calls to make though, get some payment arrangements made, straighten out my affairs, become willing to allow monthly auto-pay from my bank, so that I can get right. always funny; this year my utilities aren't a problem at all. I have the money to pay my primary bills and keep it moving. but I have to be careful with the car notes, with the credit situations. you get on better footing in the stream just to find you're deeper in the rapids. that's life though.
work is cool. the issues continue but I've gotten, by Jehovah's blessing, a perspective and a grip on myself in them. there is only the job to do. there's no reason to take anything personally, because there's no one there who pays my rent or signs my check. so I have no one to answer to except my professionalism, as my boss is in Chicago. and I am doing a good job, or he would have heard about it. just got my headlight changed, got to make arrangements to get my brakes done. I've finished my short stories/poetry collection, but i'm having a devil of a time figuring out the formatting on Amazon's new publishing platform. I will, but it is not easy and my brain is not working as it was two years ago. acknowledging that doesn't scare me, just shows me that I have to pray for help and be ready when it arrives.
that's enough for now. i'm going to get out of this cold kitchen and wait for my day to officially begin. thank you, Father, for faith and provisions for this day.
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