it is Sunday, almost 3:30pm. I've had a pretty good weekend, so far. I say so far because you can't really count it until you wake up and it's Monday, and around here anything is apt to change in a moment. but for the moment, i'm pretty happy, definitely okay.
I was just thinking, sometimes you find your wisdom in the oddest places. this pic is from a bathroom stall at the Hubbard truck stop. I believe all these things, including the fact that beer is good. I don't drink it, but I loved it when I did. I share things like this on Facebook; it rarely gets a response, but I don't share for that. I share because I honestly believe a small thing like this, even some bathroom scrawl, has to possibility in God's hands to save someone's life. like, it helps to know that i'm not the only one who thinks this way. gives me another day to keep the legs moving, you know? I come out of the theater in Boardman yesterday (an entirely NEW experience, that i'll go into shortly) and listen to some very funny little white guy haranguing his wife about his support of Trump. I think to myself, we're all here for the cheap seats, we're none of us driving brand new cars, living in mansions, eating caviar and prime rib every day. we're none of us at that theater setting the world on fire with our pure influencer acumen or our inherited riches. but it's funny, harass your wife with this tragedy. and that's the world now, you know? it's a joke, every single bit of it. and if you lose your mind to it, the joke was on you. wouldn't that be the case? I mean, I drive down streets and I see cars, every day, driving down the middle of the road, riding straddling lines. go into any store, just about, and you get the sociopathic displays of selfishness and greed regardless of the season. people COVET, like it's a participant sport. they are callous toward each other's suffering, and thanks to social media platforms, they are whiners about their own plight. and I don't say 'whiners' without a sense of irony, I mean, isn't that what i'm doing also? but when I say it, it's the contrast. you don't care about me, but you go through the same thing and lament that no one seems to care about you. how does that work? everywhere you go, you smell weed. and i'm not against weed. but I truly wonder about the lack of vision that allows people to smoke and celebrate the slow legalization of marijuana when this government never does anything that it doesn't have both a hidden agenda about and a profit motive in place. but brothers are in jail serving double digit sentences for struggling to pay bills with weed sales while white men are becoming next-level millionaires selling the same shit. now it's the coronavirus, before that was SARS, and before that was ebola, and each one came as there was some form of political bullshitting going on. just like a war that is started to get a president out of the public eye long enough to rebury the skeletons that have been unearthed from his closet. I can't keep going, because bullshit uncovered uncovers more bullshit, and I don't want to just keep scribbling about this. i'm saying, it's all a joke, and the joke's on you if you lose your mind. and for that reason, I don't feel bad about not being as plugged in as I could be. and I know that's the truth.
see, last week I picked up a brother from the east side, bringing him to the clinic I drive for. and we passed through the bottom of Liberty. and he loves looking at houses, it's a thing he does. it's one of the things that's in my turned off area (for my couinselor, a bookmark here. Have to remember to tell her that the gray area I was after for so many years seems now to be something I deliberately constructed, to separate myself from everyone else, to keep from having to become things I don't necessarily want to be, and it may be that I built it a bit too well. but that's neither here nor there at the moment). we were talking about some racism, and I told him about the time a friend and I were driving through that part of Liberty when a panel van began to follow us, turn for turn, until we turned out of Liberty on Logan Avenue heading back to the east side. that's real. and the brother one-upped me easily by recalling how his family, when he was a child, lived in Liberty, mother, father, siblings, and how they had went to the movies one day, he was single digits then, and came back to find their house burned to the ground. they had insurance, were able to BUY OUTRIGHT a house on the southside and still had some money to boot, but the principle, and the fact that someone could have gotten killed, easily. reminds me of my sponsor's house being burned down in the early 80's when he lived in Austintown, and how he spoke of sitting in his yard, in a lawn chair, and watched them rebuild his house, in full sight of his neighbors. I hear these things, and I realize, racism just walks right alongside us, just get in step and comes along and we stop paying attention because it sounds just like the things that are echoing in our hearts already. strange, huh?
anyway, I need to put this shit away for now, as i'm getting a bit perturbed about some of this. but i'm still going to keep it moving, keep doing what I've got to do, so that I can get to the clear road one day. I thank my Father in heaven, for the love and the kindness I've experienced today.
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