Laid-Back Alpha

so anyway, it's Thursday again.  got six more days at PCS, then it's on to the next adventure.  well, that's cool.  i've been trying to busy myself with some activities and shit, but a lot of it is just wishful thinking.  can't really muster up a lot of energy these days.  it's okay.  i'm not in the hurry folks sometimes seem to think i should be in.

what's been going on lately?  well, my mom is at home at the moment, in great pain, having had the 2nd epidural but poorly affected by the anesthesia.  other than having gone to see 'Joker', i've done nothing  else truly social, but i am having a dinner here for some friends on Saturday, which will be different.  going to be a strange dynamic, as i'm having some work friends, a new acquaintance and old, dear friends under one roof.  but i've not really had any company to do anything special with in years, so this should be entertaining under any circumstances.

i've been very angry about my brother's situation, with him raising his daughter's sons but receiving no kind of financial assistance in the doing, with him having his ex-wife living with him and putting him through hell all over again.  its like he believes he's supposed to be punished for his past sins, without the belief system in place that he's forgiven by God if he repents and changes.  but there's nothing i can do about that; he made the decisions to do the things that are happening to him.  i can pray, i can turn it over, and i can talk if he ever wants to talk.  but any actions belong to him, and he's reaching the point now where action of any physical kind has become extraordinarily daunting for him.

that's about the long and the short of it.  going to do some writing.  going to get some rest.  going to work tomorrow and then get ready for Saturday, God willing.  going to try to stay positive about everything, and remember that despite being a laid-back alpha, i wear human skin and do human things.  and that is the reality i have to deal with first, or nothing else really falls into place.  I thank my Father Jehovah for putting that in my mind this morning.  i'm done.