man, i'm off my feed. this is ridiculous. i can't understand why it's so hard to get back to writing on a daily basis. the living situation may play into that somewhat, but i have computers everywhere. it's just a matter of opening a laptop or even pulling up the Journey on my phone and updating. i think i've gone into a form of spiritual hibernation, just in a holding pattern at the moment. it's the only real explanation i've got for this.
things are as stupid as they've been lately. there's not really anything else that i can add to that. the work is cool but the workplace is toxic now. the bills are paid, the fridge is full and the car is running, but i've not seen my child or grandchild since before christmas. talked to Syd on the 18th, her birthday, but that's about it. mom and dad are still plugging away, i still try to help them when i can. Rachel's house passed inspection and she'll be moving soon. those are the pertinents at the moment.
i had an amazing gout/neuropathy flare this week, to the point that on Tuesday evening i could barely walk. took some hard doses of my meds, got it to clear up mostly on Wednesday and yesterday i felt fine. but it was one of those times where i had to think about what i will do when i'm here by myself and that happens. Rachel helped a lot, got the stuff that i needed to take and made sure i could elevate my foot and wrap up in my comforter and sleep soundly through the night while the meds did their thing. it's always something to appreciate someone and realize at the same time you have to maintain distance from them. a strange dichotomy indeed.
its early on Friday morning. i've taken my medicine after my prayer, had a cup of coffee. i'm about to read my books and get myself ready for work, as far as clothes go. it's really too early for all this shit, but i'm up and there's no point wasting the time. the work day should be fairly easy, with three people out today so far. at the same time, i do have one additional, which is a wheelchair client, so that's going to change the dynamic as well. if i do what i need to do, i'll come in tonight, get my ass up here to this office and do some writing and some recording. that's the plan. i'm behind on working on this song, and i have to start focusing in more directly on what i want to do for myself. it's going to be a sad change, but that's just part of life on life's terms. it was a sad change realizing Rachel was here but not here; its a sad change trying to remember my parents as younger adults and seeing that i can't, that in my mind they've always been these old people, and in turn, so have i. but that's how the mind keeps from collapsing, i believe. it doesn't try to maintain everything. just the pertinents. have a great day...or a great week. thank you, Jehovah, for even sporadically logged, the Journey continues.
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