well, this wasn't a bad day, but it portends toward something on the horizon.
i got up and did good getting to the gym. prayers and coffee and a bit of reflection and i was on my way. got in 40 minutes on the treadmill, and i came home and started my day officially. eggs and rice, and dishes done and worked on a spoken mic track and talked to Rachel briefly while she was walking with her mother in the park. i laid down for a bit, then i went to my parents house to see about my dad's phones.
mom and Michelle were throwing away things from the cupboard and AG's grandson was there being babysat, i imagine. i unhooked my dad's landline and told him to move his cordless to his bedroom. i spoke with my mom briefly and then i came home. talked to Rachel again before she went to sleep and i went to lunch with Lonnie. i got home, worked on the poem a bit more, and i laid down for a while again. Syd and Jo came and cut part of the grass, and Marc came so we could make flyers and tickets for the Sunday meeting. i worked in Excel for a bit, which thrills me more than i can say, and i had pizza and a salad for dinner. i'm about to lay it down. tomorrow is going to be a pretty busy day, because i have counseling, it's the first so i have to pay my rent, get supplies and take care of some bills, and SL asked if i would ride with her while she tried to find financing for a car. i'm fairly sure she blew money on some kind of dope thing, but i'll pray and ride and see if she can find something she's looking for, while trying to look out for my best interests.
my knee is hurting today. it's been throbbing all day. it's not swelling so far, and it's not causing any other difficulties. my feet aren't bothering me, and i don't know exactly what's caused it, but i'm afraid it may be from the dancing on Tuesday. but i'm keeping an eye on it, and i'm going to have it checked out if it gets any worse. for now, a good day, and i'm grateful for it, and i'm going to bed.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
short long day
this was an odd sort of day. i got up and said my prayers but i didn't get moving right away. i was wondering why my alarm didn't go off this morning until i remembered it's set for every weekday BUT monday. which was sort of embarrassing. so i had breakfast, an omelet and biscuits, and i posted all the vids from the excerpt series and made my final request. i don't think i'm going to make it, but i did my best. i feel positive that the future is bright because i now know so much more than i did before i went into this, and i can't disparage that knowledge. perhaps that was the reason to do this at this time, so Jehovah could show me the true wealth of what he's placed in my hands. i know i don't intend to slack on this blessing.
i got ready and went to my meeting. a guy spoke, and i tried to stay open-minded, but i didn't really like the guy and i knew a lot of what he was saying was managing his truths. but i didn't say anything and he did speak and the meeting went well. i then had lunch with Rachel and we went to an aquarium store and looked at fish. i then came home and laid down for a bit.
Syd's boyfriend Jo came by and put down some really odd violin for me, and i dug it heavily, so i worked on it this evening and made a truly disturbing track that's going to need an awesome spoken word accompaniment. and i think i'm going to do a spoken word CD, since i have the means now. gonna think on it after i finish this one i'm working on.
i guess what i liked was that Jo laid down the track with no input from me except what i told him days ago i wanted. he didn't balk and he didn't second guess. it was just something that i could use, like Rachel's vocal, like the temple bells from the first Old Lazarus video. it's Vibologism. and it's my favorite way to create. so i'm going to have some fun with it, and that makes me feel better about people only reaching so far toward me at crucial times, because God's always got me.
had a chicken and pork stir fry for dinner. had a sandwich and a cookie not long ago and i'm turning in early to hit the gym in the a.m. thank you Father for a wonderful day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb60zKX2JKc
i got ready and went to my meeting. a guy spoke, and i tried to stay open-minded, but i didn't really like the guy and i knew a lot of what he was saying was managing his truths. but i didn't say anything and he did speak and the meeting went well. i then had lunch with Rachel and we went to an aquarium store and looked at fish. i then came home and laid down for a bit.
Syd's boyfriend Jo came by and put down some really odd violin for me, and i dug it heavily, so i worked on it this evening and made a truly disturbing track that's going to need an awesome spoken word accompaniment. and i think i'm going to do a spoken word CD, since i have the means now. gonna think on it after i finish this one i'm working on.
i guess what i liked was that Jo laid down the track with no input from me except what i told him days ago i wanted. he didn't balk and he didn't second guess. it was just something that i could use, like Rachel's vocal, like the temple bells from the first Old Lazarus video. it's Vibologism. and it's my favorite way to create. so i'm going to have some fun with it, and that makes me feel better about people only reaching so far toward me at crucial times, because God's always got me.
had a chicken and pork stir fry for dinner. had a sandwich and a cookie not long ago and i'm turning in early to hit the gym in the a.m. thank you Father for a wonderful day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb60zKX2JKc
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
good easy day
this has been a productive day, and i feel so blessed.
i woke and prayed. no forgetting this morning. i decided to not do the gym today. i can't say why exactly, only that it was the decision i made. i brewed my coffee, made breakfast of a pancake,sausage and eggs,and i got to work. i'd decided to film what i needed for my last excerpt today, so i got my work bag and my camera, and i shot some driving film and stopped at Pressed on campus and shot some stills. i came home, gave Syd the bagel i bought for the shoot, got pics and vids uploaded and got to work. i also took a bath and groomed for the evening.
i broke to try to nap and i talked to Lonnie and Rachel. i finally got my stuff together, got dressed, worked a bit more on the video and went to pick up Rachel. we went to a small gathering for the OCCHA organization, networked, got cards, asked for nominations, took pictures, danced to some Spanish music and ate,and had a pretty good time. i took Rachel home, we talked for a bit, and i came home. i finished the last excerpt from Old Lazrus,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb60zKX2JKc
and am just about ready to shut it down.
i have no complaints. this was a simple day, and i am not going to complicate it. i thank God for the easy days, because there are more than enough hard ones. i'm out.
i woke and prayed. no forgetting this morning. i decided to not do the gym today. i can't say why exactly, only that it was the decision i made. i brewed my coffee, made breakfast of a pancake,sausage and eggs,and i got to work. i'd decided to film what i needed for my last excerpt today, so i got my work bag and my camera, and i shot some driving film and stopped at Pressed on campus and shot some stills. i came home, gave Syd the bagel i bought for the shoot, got pics and vids uploaded and got to work. i also took a bath and groomed for the evening.
i broke to try to nap and i talked to Lonnie and Rachel. i finally got my stuff together, got dressed, worked a bit more on the video and went to pick up Rachel. we went to a small gathering for the OCCHA organization, networked, got cards, asked for nominations, took pictures, danced to some Spanish music and ate,and had a pretty good time. i took Rachel home, we talked for a bit, and i came home. i finished the last excerpt from Old Lazrus,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb60zKX2JKc
and am just about ready to shut it down.
i have no complaints. this was a simple day, and i am not going to complicate it. i thank God for the easy days, because there are more than enough hard ones. i'm out.
good easy day
this has been a productive day, and i feel so blessed.
i woke and prayed. no forgetting this morning. i decided to not do the gym today. i can't say why exactly, only that it was the decision i made. i brewed my coffee, made breakfast of a pancake,sausage and eggs,and i got to work. i'd decided to film what i needed for my last excerpt today, so i got my work bag and my camera, and i shot some driving film and stopped at Pressed on campus and shot some stills. i came home, gave Syd the bagel i bought for the shoot, got pics and vids uploaded and got to work. i also took a bath and groomed for the evening.
i broke to try to nap and i talked to Lonnie and Rachel. i finally got my stuff together, got dressed, worked a bit more on the video and went to pick up Rachel. we went to a small gathering for the OCCHA organization, networked, got cards, asked for nominations, took pictures, danced to some Spanish music and ate,and had a pretty good time. i took Rachel home, we talked for a bit, and i came home. i finished the last excerpt from Old Lazrus,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb60zKX2JKc
and am just about ready to shut it down.
i have no complaints. this was a simple day, and i am not going to complicate it. i thank God for the easy days, because there are more than enough hard ones. i'm out.
i woke and prayed. no forgetting this morning. i decided to not do the gym today. i can't say why exactly, only that it was the decision i made. i brewed my coffee, made breakfast of a pancake,sausage and eggs,and i got to work. i'd decided to film what i needed for my last excerpt today, so i got my work bag and my camera, and i shot some driving film and stopped at Pressed on campus and shot some stills. i came home, gave Syd the bagel i bought for the shoot, got pics and vids uploaded and got to work. i also took a bath and groomed for the evening.
i broke to try to nap and i talked to Lonnie and Rachel. i finally got my stuff together, got dressed, worked a bit more on the video and went to pick up Rachel. we went to a small gathering for the OCCHA organization, networked, got cards, asked for nominations, took pictures, danced to some Spanish music and ate,and had a pretty good time. i took Rachel home, we talked for a bit, and i came home. i finished the last excerpt from Old Lazrus,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb60zKX2JKc
and am just about ready to shut it down.
i have no complaints. this was a simple day, and i am not going to complicate it. i thank God for the easy days, because there are more than enough hard ones. i'm out.
Monday, June 27, 2016
back to the compass
it's about twenty to eleven as i begin this, in the a.m. going to be hot again today. i hope i don't have too much come up outside to get done. have the air running while i took care of some things and its nice and cool in here.
i got up and didn't pray today. that was different, and i'm appreciative of the fact that not praying is odd for me again. i did a few things that needed to be done, uploaded Rachel's reading onto Youtube and fb and sent out another kite for nominations, i designed a flyer to be sent out as a paid advert later and i stripped my bed so i can remake it as the fitted sheet keeps popping off. i went to the gym, decided weights today and treadmill tomorrow, and i realized sitting on a weight machine that i'd forgotten to pray this morning. so i stopped my workout, bowed my head and prayed. and life resumed, in the orbit it should be in.
thing that i realize is, the path of prayer and no prayer looks the same from the outside...for awhile, it looks the same on the inside too. but for a person of prayer, the longer without praying, the stranger the road gets. until, eventually, you don't know where you are at all anymore. that's why i know enough now to just stop and give Jehovah what belongs to him.
i left the gym, came home and took insulin and meds and made an omelet and sausage and a piece of toast for breakfast. the omelet was onion, spinach, mushroom and tomatoes with blue cheese and cheddar. i ran dishwater, had coffee and water and went to my parent's house.
i hooked up the new Sprint box and changed a tangle of wires behind my mother's chair into a less-tangled group of wires in a power strip. i got the sequencing of the phones right, to where the downstairs phones are all working. i told my mother one of the batteries needs changing in a phone, and since my dad left as i was coming in to an appointment, i didn't have a chance to tell him that he has to check the upstairs phones. but that's not a problem. he'll know one way or the other.
that's all i have right now, i'm going to write more later.
it's just after 7pm now. it's been every bit as hot as it seemed it would be. i did the nothing that i intended to do. i slept a bit and i ate some food and i watched some television. i wrote a piece to a picture i doctored of a friend. i tried to call the Oakland for their open house itinerary but got no answer. i washed dishes, got the coffee pot ready for tomorrow and i'm now on my bed. Rachel called and i didn't answer. i called back and she didn't answer. it's too hot for this shit.
i'm thinking the phone must be working at my parent's house, or i would have gotten a call. of course, if the phones weren't working at my parent's house, i wouldn't have gotten a call either. life is odd sometimes.
thank you, Jehovah, for a peaceful day.
i got up and didn't pray today. that was different, and i'm appreciative of the fact that not praying is odd for me again. i did a few things that needed to be done, uploaded Rachel's reading onto Youtube and fb and sent out another kite for nominations, i designed a flyer to be sent out as a paid advert later and i stripped my bed so i can remake it as the fitted sheet keeps popping off. i went to the gym, decided weights today and treadmill tomorrow, and i realized sitting on a weight machine that i'd forgotten to pray this morning. so i stopped my workout, bowed my head and prayed. and life resumed, in the orbit it should be in.
thing that i realize is, the path of prayer and no prayer looks the same from the outside...for awhile, it looks the same on the inside too. but for a person of prayer, the longer without praying, the stranger the road gets. until, eventually, you don't know where you are at all anymore. that's why i know enough now to just stop and give Jehovah what belongs to him.
i left the gym, came home and took insulin and meds and made an omelet and sausage and a piece of toast for breakfast. the omelet was onion, spinach, mushroom and tomatoes with blue cheese and cheddar. i ran dishwater, had coffee and water and went to my parent's house.
i hooked up the new Sprint box and changed a tangle of wires behind my mother's chair into a less-tangled group of wires in a power strip. i got the sequencing of the phones right, to where the downstairs phones are all working. i told my mother one of the batteries needs changing in a phone, and since my dad left as i was coming in to an appointment, i didn't have a chance to tell him that he has to check the upstairs phones. but that's not a problem. he'll know one way or the other.
that's all i have right now, i'm going to write more later.
it's just after 7pm now. it's been every bit as hot as it seemed it would be. i did the nothing that i intended to do. i slept a bit and i ate some food and i watched some television. i wrote a piece to a picture i doctored of a friend. i tried to call the Oakland for their open house itinerary but got no answer. i washed dishes, got the coffee pot ready for tomorrow and i'm now on my bed. Rachel called and i didn't answer. i called back and she didn't answer. it's too hot for this shit.
i'm thinking the phone must be working at my parent's house, or i would have gotten a call. of course, if the phones weren't working at my parent's house, i wouldn't have gotten a call either. life is odd sometimes.
thank you, Jehovah, for a peaceful day.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
simmer
found this to be a very slow moving day. i don't have a lot to add today, about to put it down, so i can hit the gym in the morning.
i got up and prayed this morning, feeling pretty good. it had been a strange conclusion to yesterday, with Rachel coming by but us being a bit subdued when she left. stopping by Lonnie's was also a bit off the beaten path for me, and that makes me sad, as it used to be a pretty commonplace thing. regardless, i got up with prayer, got pretty much right to work.
fixed the excerpt that Rachel did, and got a video made for it, and i extracted the audio that Lynn emailed to me and did the adjustments and additions to the vocals. put some traffic and some crowd noise muted behind her and left it at that, simple and discernible. i had breakfast, a sausage and egg on toast sandwich, and i got ready for my meeting once i got done with my work.
the meeting was smallish but it was productive. we got a chapter done, good discussion though not from many people, and we had a home group meeting, a decision to have a cookout at our meeting in august. i went to see my parents after the meeting and then came home. stopped and got a sandwich & chicken nuggets from McD's and prepped my stuff for dinner.
no tv today, not much music. talked to Rachel in the am but she was cutting grass and mad about it. texted and called her in the pm but no answer. she called back as i was grilling chicken and the last of my fiesta steaks (cube steak things with peppers and onions in the pre-made patties). a pan fried potato with onions and a salad rounded out my dinner. i washed dishes, already had coffee prepped for the morning and now i'm in bed fucking around on the computer. i know the people who are helping me are doing quite a bit, and i can't quite bring myself to just tag a bunch of folks again. i have to keep the faith, doors are opening and if this is not the door to go through, the right door will be made manifest to me soon enough. i'm just thankful for the blessing. it is hot, i am simmering, and thank you Father, i'm shutting it down now.
i got up and prayed this morning, feeling pretty good. it had been a strange conclusion to yesterday, with Rachel coming by but us being a bit subdued when she left. stopping by Lonnie's was also a bit off the beaten path for me, and that makes me sad, as it used to be a pretty commonplace thing. regardless, i got up with prayer, got pretty much right to work.
fixed the excerpt that Rachel did, and got a video made for it, and i extracted the audio that Lynn emailed to me and did the adjustments and additions to the vocals. put some traffic and some crowd noise muted behind her and left it at that, simple and discernible. i had breakfast, a sausage and egg on toast sandwich, and i got ready for my meeting once i got done with my work.
the meeting was smallish but it was productive. we got a chapter done, good discussion though not from many people, and we had a home group meeting, a decision to have a cookout at our meeting in august. i went to see my parents after the meeting and then came home. stopped and got a sandwich & chicken nuggets from McD's and prepped my stuff for dinner.
no tv today, not much music. talked to Rachel in the am but she was cutting grass and mad about it. texted and called her in the pm but no answer. she called back as i was grilling chicken and the last of my fiesta steaks (cube steak things with peppers and onions in the pre-made patties). a pan fried potato with onions and a salad rounded out my dinner. i washed dishes, already had coffee prepped for the morning and now i'm in bed fucking around on the computer. i know the people who are helping me are doing quite a bit, and i can't quite bring myself to just tag a bunch of folks again. i have to keep the faith, doors are opening and if this is not the door to go through, the right door will be made manifest to me soon enough. i'm just thankful for the blessing. it is hot, i am simmering, and thank you Father, i'm shutting it down now.
irritability, aloneness and caution
this has been a strange sort of day. i have to start at the night before and move through, because this is kind of linked together for me now.
i got a text from Rachel yesterday evening, before dark, asking if i could take her to St. E's. i asked no questions, just said i was on my way. figured whatever i needed to find out, if i was picking her up, it wasn't a dire emergency, and if she wanted me to know what was going on she'd tell me. so, i was getting ready and she called and said her friend wanted her to sit with her while she waited to be admitted to the mental health floor, and i told no problem. so i went and got Rachel and started for the northside when she got a text and asked me if i could take her to get the girls bag. we went to the girl's house, got her bag which was stashed on the front seat, and were on our way again, when another text came and Rachel asked where Crandall park is, because that's where her friend was.
at the park, the friend was drinking, smoking weed, on a manic/depressive jag, talking disjointedly, obviously depressed but not really speaking with any willingness for change. i got out to help if i could, but she was just talking and going to the hospital. she wouldn't let Rachel take the keys to drive her and was all over the road. fortunately (blessing) we got there safely and quickly.
inside the ER she got seen rather quickly and then after an hour or so Rachel went to check on her and i went home as i was exhausted.
when i got up this morning, i said my prayers and got coffee started. actually, that's not true. when i got up this morning, it was to a call from my dad. he'd called about an hour earlier, but as i was exhausted coming in the house, i dropped my phone, reassembled it and it didn't turn it back on, just stuck it on a charger and went to sleep. so i got the call to plunge my mother's toilet which i did. then i came back home and had breakfast, an omelet and sausage, and i went back to sleep to be awakened by my mother to thank me for unclogging the toilet. then i got another call from my dad asking if i could 'google' my aunt for information about how to watch her commencement ceremony for her college graduation in chicago. feeling irritable now, i said no, i can't google her, and i went back to sleep. then my mother called, asking why the mcafee kept popping up and what to do about it so they could watch the commencement. so i went back over, got the site pulled up, waited until it was time and then put it on for them while i went to mill creek park to get away. i wanted to write, but it was blazing hot, so i just sat in the sun and got some vitamin D. been a long time since i was just in the park. i left and came home, talked to Rachel on my way home, i got in, jumped into the tub and laid it down for a bit. finally Rachel called and asked if i wanted her to come over to work om some stuff. i went and picked her up, and we did some recording and i made us some dinner and then i took her home. Syd came by with a t-shirt for me and my brother came, troubled by our mother for some reason. i stopped at Lonnie's house before i left the Campbell-Struthers area, sat and talked with him for a while and then came home, where i worked on Rachel's track, got it finished and mixed, sent her a copy via facebook and am now in bed.
hadn't been in mill creek for a long while, hadn't been to Lonnie's hosue in a long while. but i'm tired of being in this apartment right now. i have things to get done and things to work on, but i am sick of the sight of these walls. but i have to be careful. i ahve to separate my aloneness from any genuine loneliness i might be feeling. because there's too much self-pity going around these days, and i really don't want to get caught up in it. okay, thank you Father, for a beautiful day.
i got a text from Rachel yesterday evening, before dark, asking if i could take her to St. E's. i asked no questions, just said i was on my way. figured whatever i needed to find out, if i was picking her up, it wasn't a dire emergency, and if she wanted me to know what was going on she'd tell me. so, i was getting ready and she called and said her friend wanted her to sit with her while she waited to be admitted to the mental health floor, and i told no problem. so i went and got Rachel and started for the northside when she got a text and asked me if i could take her to get the girls bag. we went to the girl's house, got her bag which was stashed on the front seat, and were on our way again, when another text came and Rachel asked where Crandall park is, because that's where her friend was.
at the park, the friend was drinking, smoking weed, on a manic/depressive jag, talking disjointedly, obviously depressed but not really speaking with any willingness for change. i got out to help if i could, but she was just talking and going to the hospital. she wouldn't let Rachel take the keys to drive her and was all over the road. fortunately (blessing) we got there safely and quickly.
inside the ER she got seen rather quickly and then after an hour or so Rachel went to check on her and i went home as i was exhausted.
when i got up this morning, i said my prayers and got coffee started. actually, that's not true. when i got up this morning, it was to a call from my dad. he'd called about an hour earlier, but as i was exhausted coming in the house, i dropped my phone, reassembled it and it didn't turn it back on, just stuck it on a charger and went to sleep. so i got the call to plunge my mother's toilet which i did. then i came back home and had breakfast, an omelet and sausage, and i went back to sleep to be awakened by my mother to thank me for unclogging the toilet. then i got another call from my dad asking if i could 'google' my aunt for information about how to watch her commencement ceremony for her college graduation in chicago. feeling irritable now, i said no, i can't google her, and i went back to sleep. then my mother called, asking why the mcafee kept popping up and what to do about it so they could watch the commencement. so i went back over, got the site pulled up, waited until it was time and then put it on for them while i went to mill creek park to get away. i wanted to write, but it was blazing hot, so i just sat in the sun and got some vitamin D. been a long time since i was just in the park. i left and came home, talked to Rachel on my way home, i got in, jumped into the tub and laid it down for a bit. finally Rachel called and asked if i wanted her to come over to work om some stuff. i went and picked her up, and we did some recording and i made us some dinner and then i took her home. Syd came by with a t-shirt for me and my brother came, troubled by our mother for some reason. i stopped at Lonnie's house before i left the Campbell-Struthers area, sat and talked with him for a while and then came home, where i worked on Rachel's track, got it finished and mixed, sent her a copy via facebook and am now in bed.
hadn't been in mill creek for a long while, hadn't been to Lonnie's hosue in a long while. but i'm tired of being in this apartment right now. i have things to get done and things to work on, but i am sick of the sight of these walls. but i have to be careful. i ahve to separate my aloneness from any genuine loneliness i might be feeling. because there's too much self-pity going around these days, and i really don't want to get caught up in it. okay, thank you Father, for a beautiful day.
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