...i miss R. this is becoming a theme. i didn't hear from her last night, and i have no idea how she's doing. i'm starting with that because i have a feeling i'm not going to hear from her today either.
it's sunday. i woke early, drifted back off, woke again. i said my prayer, came in the living room and made my breakfast while watching an old Dr Who. fourth doctor, Tom Baker. hated this show when i was a kid and this was new, but now i go back and realize the writing on Doctor Who was always pretty damn good. i had two poached eggs with cheese sauce on wheat toasts rounds. i started writing already. i've notified one of the group officers, the other keyholder, that i won't be at the meeting today. i feel it would be beneficial to write, to go through my paperwork, to chill. i don't feel good or bad, i still feel a bit sleepy, but i doubt seriously if i'll be able to go back to sleep. hasn't been happening that way lately.
i have to go to the store to get something for dinner. waiting for Syd because if she's taking a lunch then i need to get stuff for that. but only if she's actually going to take a lunch to school. if she's not, then i'm not bothering, as its a waste of food and money. five days until the month begins again for me, financially speaking. i gave my dad twenty dollars on the tire he bought for me in august. i will give him more money next month, pay my uncle back at least a part of the fifty i borrowed for Syd's ipad insurance. i am glad i made it through the month. i'm sure i could ask someone for groceries for the day, but i don't really think there's a need for that. i think i planned better than i was aware this month, and i am grateful to my Father for keeping us secure.
i want to wrap up the first draft of Mechanical Jesus by the end of next week. i know that i can, if i just stay focused. i am laying a good foundation for a better future. i feel that strongly. i am, almost by proxy, readjusting my parameters of self-analysis. maybe that's the reason for doing this daily. you start to change when you get the thoughts and feelings out of your head. maybe that's why society has been programmed for voyeurism and away from introspection. because to sneak around, peering into other people's windows and lives prevents a clear vision of even the most obvious personality flaws; namely, being nosey and voyeuristic. but that's neither here nor there. i have to keep doing this, because it's making things better. and that's the foundation i can appreciate, because it's the foundation i can build something sustainable on.
i decided on something inappropriate for lunch, but i've been doing so well i couldn't even go way out of the box, so i got kfc, which is disgusting, but the grease and salt were like ambrosia. for dinner i went semi-healthy, with chicken cordon bleu, sauteed spinach with peppers and onions and garlic, and sliced roma tomato. i heard from R finally, and was happier than i'm comfortable admitting. although it is nice to have someone to look forward to, but it still means the set-up for the fall is in place. i guess that is the risk of life on planet earth, isn't it? you can't be safe and live at the same time. life is the greatest progenitor of death that exists. but all i can do is to walk with the assurances that i'm on the right life path, keep plugging away at the things that are important to me, and trust God that everything will be made clear in the end.
i spoke to Patrice, i heard two of my friends, male and female, got together for pizza and some conversation today, and that made me happy. i'm going to go see my sponsor tomorrow, just for a quick visit. i'm going to go see my uncle Tommy tuesday. i'm going to stay in the day, however, because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. but i have to remember that. because the truth is, since it's not promised, i could go before either of those good men. and if i do, i go with the question mark hanging over my head in regard to how much i could have made things better for them, since i've been mostly absent lately. what's out of character changes as you make your character conform to God's will and the life happening around you. that's my belief.
good writing done today, maybe four more days and it's done. and i'm really going to do a painstaking edit on this one, as i have more at stake. i think i am good. i have nothing more to really add. i didn't really do anything new today, so i'm not fabricating that. but i am going to keep trying to find the happy thing every day. until tomorrow, good night, and thank you, Jehovah, for a beautiful day.
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